college anxieties

So, as of tomorrow, there are forty-eight days until i leave for college. AH. that seems so close, yet completely far away. it doesn’t seem real that in less two months i will be in the 304. haha. in so many ways i am ready. i’m ready to be independent, i want to be able to make my own decisions without any pressure one way or another, or any guilt when the decision i want to make isn’t the choice others want me to make. I want to be able to not have to explain my decisions to others. because sometimes there is no explanation.  But i’m also the most indecisive person ever. i’m nervous that i won’t have my parents or my friends right by me to tell me what they think, or give me advice on the best thing to do. i know that i can always call, but that would just feel like cheating. my life is my life, i need to be the one to make the decisions. i’m so excited to have my own place, even if it really isn’t just mine. I can decorate it how i want, put whatever or whoever i want in it, clean it or leave things everywhere because its mine. I’m nervous that my independence will make it hard to keep the relationships i already have strong, and that i won’t be able to find new friends at wvu. i’m sad that i wont be able to just drive over to emily’s whenever im freaking out… or that i won’t really know where anything is…or that i won’t have nice family dinners where i can talk about my day or random movie nights with my dad. i’m really gonna miss my church. sitting next to kyle and emily and shane, and singing along to adam or chris… it’s gonna be hard to get used to something else. it’s gonna suck not having my cats curled up at my feet and keeping me warm. or my dog following me around during thunderstorms. i know that i’m not losing all of these things, that i will still be able to come home to all of it… but thats just it. i won’t be home. but i’m psyched to get started in all this forensic stuff. it’ll be awesome to finally move forward. to accomplish something to move closer to the end goal. it’ll be awesome meeting new people, maybe even my future husband :) it’s gonna be great, i know that. it’s just gonna be tough leaving everything behind. i know i won’t be disappointed with what i get in return, but i am not ready to lose all that i have gained so far. and hopefully, i wont have to. i just need to find a way to make west virginia home. ugh. dilemmas. for now i will focus on getting all the fun stuff, like bed spreads and pillows and rugs. I’ll focus on making this summer the best that i can. i’m gonna spend it with the people i love and i’m gonna make some awesome memories. somehow i will figure out the rest.